Recover
by Chromical
Summary: This fic follows the Elrics from their failed transmutation to the night they burn down their house. Rated T for Ed's cursing. Not Elricest, guys; just platonic, brotherly love.
1. Different

I'd like to thank my beta, MilesTailsPrower-007. Check out her stories- she rocks!

* * *

Alphonse Elric saw the world come into view again. He groaned weakly, sitting up slowly. "Wha... what happened?" he said groggily, lifting a hand to his face. Wait... His hand didn't normally look like that. Was he wearing gloves? It didn't feel like he was wearing gloves... As a matter of fact, Alphonse couldn't feel anything.

"What's going on?" he said, panic making his voice crack. He glanced quickly around the room. Alphonse's vision suddenly focused on a blond child... sitting in a pool of blood. "Brother!" Alphonse said, stumbling and clanking over to his brother. Had he ever made that much noise while moving before? And why did it seem as if everything was smaller? As he instinctively cradled Ed like a baby, he noticed there were two stumps where limbs should have been. "What happened to you?"

"I'm sorry, Alphonse," Edward whispered. "The transmutation went wrong. A rebound happened... All I could manage to do... was attach your soul to a suit of armor..." Alphonse sat holding Edward, amazed and horrified at the same time. On one hand, his brother had sacrificed a limb to bring him back! On the other... Was Al even human anymore?

But there was no time for pondering now.

"Brother, you're bleeding too much!" Al said, worried. He stood up, still cradling the small boy in his arms. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Alphonse noted how easy it was to carry his older brother now. He was walking clumsily towards the door when something in the back of the room caught his eye. Edward lifted his remaining arm weakly, placing it on Alphonse's smooth metal arm.

"Don't look... It's not human," he protested, his voice quivering. It was too late—Alphonse had looked, and what he saw scared him.

It was a dark abomination. It was as if someone took a shape that was only vaguely human and twisted it, as if it was clay. What looked like ribs were sticking out of the horrifying creature, moving as the abomination breathed.

"We weren't even close," Al said, horrified. "How could this all be for nothing?" His voice cracked- He had lost his body to create this? He shook his head slightly, refocusing his efforts on the injured boy in his arms. "R-right... I need to get you to Granny," he muttered, now moving away from that... thing. One thing was important right now, and that was keeping his brother alive.

Alphonse ran out of the house as fast as he could, heading straight for the Rockbell residence with Edward in tow. The dark night sky seemed to suffocate him as he ran, and he felt as if he was in a nightmare. For the first time, he couldn't feel the grass brush against his feet as he ran. He sprinted farther and faster into the darkness, looking only at his brother as he ran. He could hear labored breathing as his brother's life spilled out of his small body. He didn't notice that no muscles were cramping, or that it wasn't harder to breathe- Al was too busy trying not to crush his brother in his new, unfamiliar body.

"Please, Brother... Don't die on me!" he said, choking back tears that **c**ould never come. He kept on running, the clanking of his armor the only sound in the vicinity. Finally, he could see the light in the windows of the Rockbell residence. Al urgently ran up to the door, knocking so hard that the door almost fell. The door creaked as Granny Pinako opened it. A look of confusion crossed her face, but it was quickly replaced by one of surprise.

"Please, help him," Al said, voice quavering. "He's going to bleed to death!" At the sound of his voice, Winry came rushing up to the door.

"Al, what's wrong?" she said, still coming to the doorway. Her eyes were then staring straight into his face, almost in awe. "Is... Is that you, Al?"

In the rush, Alphonse had almost forgotten about his current state.

"Y-yeah, but Brother needs more help than me right now! Please, Granny Pinako, help him!" The old woman nodded, beckoning Al to follow her. They reached two metal doors, with little windows so that you could peek inside. These were the operating room doors. Whenever Ed and Al had gone over to Winry's, they had spent hours playing 'Doctor' near those doors. For some reason, Winry had always been the automail doctor, and had given the 'injured' boys 'automail' made out of tinfoil. It was hard to believe that one of them had actually managed to lose limbs, and that now he was being treated by the Rockbells as a patient for real.

"Lay him down on this bed," Granny said, pointing to the bed in the center of the room. Al laid Ed down as gently as he could- He wasn't good at judging his own strength right now. Immediately, Winry and Granny Pinako started to attempt to stop the blood from coming out of the two stumps where his limbs should have been. They started speaking in a code of sorts; using all kinds of terms Al wasn't familiar with. As they kept working, Winry turned her head slightly towards Al.

"Go wait outside, Al," she said, her delicate but calloused hands clamped around the stump that was Edward's arm. Al, not being one to disobey orders, went outside. Once the door had closed behind him, he slid slowly against a wall, down into a sitting position. He laid his helmet down between the two arms hugging his spiked knees.

It sounded vain, but Alphonse cared about his appearance. He wasn't constantly preening himself or anything, but he at least wanted to know when he looked bad. He could feel it when his hair stuck up in weird ways, and when he had bags under his eyes. Now, he had no idea of what his face looked like. He couldn't feel the hair sticking up out of his head; heck, he wasn't even sure if he had hair. He stood up, now clanking loudly towards the bathroom; there was a mirror in there.

He stood in front of the sink, large metal gauntlet reaching towards its reflection. "I didn't know I looked so scary," he said in a joking voice that sounded like it was breaking inside. "Winry must... have been terrified..." The sentence ended with Alphonse's voice cracking. He was pulled up close to the mirror, looking for any remainder of his old self.

Insecurities flashed furiously through his mind as he tried to block them out. _You deserve it. Ha, you look like a monster! That's what you are on the inside, anyways._ None of these thoughts were more troubling than one that sounded like he himself had said it. _This is all Brother's fault._

No. No, that wasn't true. It was his fault, too, and Brother had saved him from certain death by putting him in this body.

_What good was a body that he wasn't familiar with?_ Alphonse covered his face with his too-large hands.

What had gone wrong?

* * *

Inside the operating room, Edward finally came to. At first, his gaze was groggy. After recognizing where he was, his eyes focused and he tried to sit up as he scanned the room for his brother.

"Where's Al?" he asked immediately, straining against Winry, who was holding him down. "I need to see him! Is he okay?" By the looks of it, he hadn't taken much notice of the fact that he was missing two limbs.

"Calm down, Edward. You're going to bleed more if you panic," Granny Pinako said gruffly. "We just finished closing the wounds, too." A blank look crossed Ed's face. Wounds? He didn't feel anything. In fact, it was almost as if some of his limbs weren't there…

Oh.

_Oh_. The memories came back to him in a rush, and the dizziness that followed was no longer just from loss of blood. He fought even more frantically against his restrainer. "Al! AL!" he screamed, his voice jumping a few octaves. "Please, tell me he's okay! Get him in here! Did he lose limbs, too?" His memories of bonding Al's soul to the armor had not returned yet**, **numbed away by shock. Winry pushed him down onto the bed with more force.

"Calm down, and I'll go get him." Winry acted older than usual, as if she were 15 instead of 10. Ed nodded furiously, wanting to make sure his brother was fine. Winry left the room, returning a few minutes later with a giant suit of armor in tow. Edward shook his head, incredulous.

"That suit of armor isn't my brother!" he said, anger tinging his words. Armor wasn't even alive. As soon as the words left his mouth, more memories returned.

As a matter of fact, the suit of armor _was_ his brother. And Edward himself had put Al in that form. Guilt struck his heart, dealing a piercing blow. Alphonse stood, the suit of armor shaking slightly.

"Y-you don't recognize me, Brother?" Sure enough, the voice of his little brother rang through the gigantic figure. Worse, he sounded absolutely heartbroken.

Silence filled the room, and nobody dared make a sound.

For the first time in his new body, Al really looked at his older brother.

In the weak state that he was in, he looked fragile and defeated. Edward had already been slightly smaller than Al; the new and exaggerated size difference made Ed seem even smaller. His injuries weren't pretty, either; the stitches were dark, standing out against his pale skin. In a terrible way, it almost seemed reminiscent of Frankenstein's Monster. Why had Alphonse been worrying about his appearance when his brother's was just as bad, if not worse?

"It's okay," Al said softly, breaking the silence. "You should get some rest." Edward's eyes had glazed over, either from the shock, the shame from not recognizing his own brother, or the realization that they had _failed_ to bring their mother back. Miserably.

Winry turned to look at Al. "We need to stay awake to monitor his condition. Go to sleep for me, Al**,**" she said, already sounding tired.

Alphonse didn't know how to fall asleep in this new, confusing body. He started by trying to close his eyelids, which were nonexistent. No matter how much he tried to drift off, there was nothing to rest. Sleeping was only for clearing out your memory, healing the body, and helping it grow. Because Alphonse's body couldn't do (or didn't need) any of these things, he couldn't fall asleep.

No matter how much he wanted to escape reality.

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How was it? Please review!


	2. Cry

Sorry for the long wait, but HERE IT IS! My beautiful girl, Elicia! Wait, no... this is just an angsty fanfiction. Oh well. Much thanks to my beta, Sage (MilesTailsPrower-007)!

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The door slammed shut behind Alphonse as he left the room. Through a hazy veil of medication, blood loss, and emotional shock, Edward saw the grey expanse of Al's back disappear behind the cold steel doors. What had he done? Why was Al leaving? He needed him, dammit! Needed to apologize for this entire mess...

Edward felt numb to everything. He couldn't believe his brother had lost his body, and that he himself had turned him into nothing but a suit of armor. And his arm and leg... They were gone. He looked down, expecting to see the warm, fleshy appendages. His stubby fingers, covered in calluses and one large scar from a fox that bit him once on his arm- gone. No more were his thick toes, and the second toe that was actually longer than the big toe. Instead, only bandaged stumps and white sheets greeted him.

Scarier than that was that he had dragged his brother into this blunder. When Ed thought of Al, he still thought of the innocent green-gold eyes, the chubby pink cheeks that their mother had always liked to pinch. Al now had a jarringly different appearance; when Ed had still been in total shock, he had not recognized him. Just thinking about it made his heart heavy, as if a fifty-pound weight had been forced upon it. He could never even think about asking for forgiveness; what if Al said no? If he said no… would he leave? Would Al go and never look back? Ed couldn't blame him if he did. And in his current state he couldn't stop him, even if he wanted to. He would (and could) never hold Al back like that.

Edward had made himself a pact. He wouldn't utter a word to Alphonse; he didn't deserve to speak to the person he had hurt so much. Ed kept himself numb evenafter the previous numbness wore off, both afraid of his own feelings and making Al feel worse.

* * *

Eventually, Alphonse stood up, giving up on the idea of sleeping. He carefully walked over to a window, watching the orange tinge of sunrise fill the sky. As what seemed like decades passed by, Alphonse's mind began to wander. He felt disconnected from his body, as if he was controlling the suit of armor from a distance. He was pretty sure there was a term for it... An out of body experience?

Alphonse almost burst out in sick, twisted laughter from the irony. Here he was, nothing but a soul attached to a suit of armor, and he was thinking about out of body experiences! He was in the middle of one right now!

Or perhaps this was all a nightmare. Yes, Alphonse was going to wake up any minute now. He would open his eyes, realize that they hadn't even done the transmutation yet, and laugh at how silly he was. Then, he would go and continue studying with Brother.

Oh, how Alphonse hoped this to be a nightmare! His brother had lost two limbs (one of them being entirely Alphonse's fault), he was stuck in this suit of armor, and his mother... Al shook his head, making a slight jingling sound. That monster wasn't their mother... Mother had kind eyes and a forgiving smile, things the abomination lacked.

This was all just wishful thinking, of course. They had definitely brought back their mother into that body... Al thought of his glimpse of the twisted figure, and how it had been reaching in their direction. Was that Mother, throwing out a hand to ask for assistance from her sons? The thought was too terrible to bear, and Alphonse was surprised not to feel heaviness in his chest. Just then, Winry walked in.

"How did you sleep?" Winry asked politely. "Well, I hope?" Alphonse felt the phantoms of his heart sinking.

"I... can't sleep, Winry." he responded quietly. Winry's face filled with both empathy and horror. Horror at what, Alphonse didn't know. It was probably horror at him, for not stopping his brother. Horror at his desire to bring his mother back.

Winry shuffled over to his side, patting him numbly. She didn't know what to say- 'Sorry'? 'It's okay'? Finally, she decided on changing the subject. "Do you want to go see Ed? He's more stable now," she said in the soft, comforting voice of a doctor.

* * *

Al walked into the room and knelt by Edward's bedside. His arm clumsily reached for Ed's remaining hand, and Ed felt the leather of the gauntlet give it a reassuring squeeze.

"Brother, how are you?" Al asked, his voice tainted by the metallic echo. "Winry and Granny Pinako stitched up your wounds pretty well, right?"

_Numb. Stay numb. Don't answer; you don't deserve to talk to him._ Edward closed his eyes and turned away.

* * *

Why was Brother still not answering? Was he angry at Al for not stopping him? For not being a better alchemist? Maybe if he had been stronger, they would have succeeded. Mom would be back, and they would be their normal selves.

"Brother, please answer me," Al insisted. "I need to know if you're okay."

Silence. Al gripped Ed's hand harder, and the suit of armor began to shake. Even without feeling, the emotions running through Al's soul managed to convey themselves through the quivering of Al's new, unfeeling body.

Ed still didn't answer, knowing that Al's emotional turmoil would be greater if he wouldn't feel any better to know that instead of focusing on getting better, he was stewing in his own guilt, and there wasn't much that he could do to make those feelings go away.

"Please," Al sobbed. "Answer me. I need you, Brother." Damn this body! Why couldn't he cry?

He knew why his brother wasn't answering; he didn't want to betray any of his feelings. It was ironic. His brother didn't want to cry, while Alphonse longed to feel tears stream down his face.

* * *

Ed couldn't stand it anymore. He had to talk to Alphonse- he couldn't take seeing any more of his heartbreak.

"Al..." he said, surprised by how weak his voice was. The glow that replaced Al's eyes widened, almost completely filling the eyeholes of the armor. He almost jumped onto his brother with joy, at the last moment choosing to wrap his big metal arms around his brother's weak body. The giant suit of plate armor quivered with relief.

"Brother," he whispered, his voice watery with unshed tears of relief. "You're really okay." Inside of Al's hug, Ed was slowly turning blue as he scrabbled for Al's arm.

"Ack…too tight…" Edward squeaked, his voice still shaky and weak. Al quickly released Ed, ashamed by the lack of control over his newfound strength. He couldn't even tell that he was crushing his brother!

"Sorry," he said, looking down.

"S'okay," Ed muttered, rolling over so that his back was facing Alphonse. If Al had been able to express emotions on his face, he would have had the look of a lost puppy. As it was, his spiked shoulders went slack and he let loose a weak imitation of a sigh.

"Why are you turning away?" he asked. "Am I upsetting you?" _Al?_ Upset _Ed?_ How would Al ever get the idea that Ed was disappointed in him? If anything, _he_ should be disappointed in Ed.

"No," Ed replied. "It's just… just…" Ed's mind was struggling to hold back the flood of emotions. His body, however, responded reflexively to the influx of feelings, making Ed's lip quiver through no fault of his own. _How embarrassing. _

"Brother, it's okay to cry. After everything that's happened, I wish I could cry too."

Silence filled the room once again. Winry noted that this was happening too often to be healthy for anybody.

"You...can't cry?" Ed still looked a bit drowsy, but underneath the glazed look in his eyes there was shock, pity, and shame.

"No... no Brother, I can't." Little sniffling noises sounded through the armor, the sound of someone trying to hold back tears purely out of old habit. "It's basic logic. If I don't have tearducts**.** I can't cry.

"I...can't sleep, either." Guilt swelled up in Edward's chest, where it threatened to spill out in the form of tears. He still couldn't cry- not in front of Alphonse. That would be like having a feast in front of a starving man. He wanted to get up and hug Al, even though Al probably couldn't feel it and was too big to wrap his remaining arm around anyway.

Both of them couldn't cry, but for different reasons.

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Review, please, or else I'll drown you in Ed's angsty tears.


	3. Found

I am _so_ sorry this took so long! It was taking a really long time for my beta to get back to me, so I gave up and posted this. It may not be as high-quality as before, but the story must go on! Enjoy!

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Winry had finally gotten her first chance to sleep in two days. The night before, Granny Pinako had ordered her to bed, saying that Winry was too young to be pulling all-nighters. "Besides," the grizzled old lady said, "you have school tommorrow."

Upon the memory running through her drowsy mind, Winry sat up slowly, gently rubbing sleep from her eyes. Then it hit her- she had school today! Her mind jerked awake, and she burst out of bed, grabbing an outfit from the top of her dresser. Even though she was extremely tired, sore, and worried, Gran would kill her if she skipped school. Gran had never had a true education and always urged Winry to "graduate for her". Today, however, Winry dreaded walking through the school doors.

It had been only two days since the Elrics arrived, injured, at her doorstep. The fateful day had been the twenty-seventh of February, a Saturday, so that meant today was Monday, March first. Winry just knew she was going to be bombarded by questions the entire day. 'Where's Ed?' 'Where's Ed?' 'Tell us where he is!'

Grr...fangirls.

She pulled on her shirt and pants, quickly ran a brush through her tangled blonde hair, then ran to the kitchen. She snatched a piece of bread from the cupboard and smeared it with butter, then taking it into her workshop. Winry had no time to make herself eggs, pancakes, or waffles today, and Gran refused to get a toaster. Fortunately, Winry had discovered another way to make toast. She donned her welding gloves and mask, lightly spraying the buttery piece of bread with fire. After about a minute, Winry deemed the toast done and set down her welding supplies. She quickly bit off a piece, in too much of a hurry to be worried about the heat. Toast still in mouth, Winry grabbed her schoolbag and ran out the door.

"Bye, Gran! Bye, Al! Bye, Ed!" she blurted as she ran out the door, her pronunciation slightly muffled by the toast in her mouth. Winry knew that they were probably too distracted to hear her, but it was nice to pretend that they had nothing to be distracted by. To pretend that nothing had gone wrong and that Ed and Al were still the same energetic, alchemy loving, young boys they had always been.

* * *

"Have a good day, Winry!" Granny Pinako yelled, knowing that her rough and scratchy voice had probably not reached Winry's ears in time for her to hear it. Pinako had just gotten up after about three hours' sleep, and was now pouring herself coffee. Now that Edward had finally stabilized, she would go over to the Elrics' house and pick up some clothes, pajamas, and his toothbrush. Quickly draining the large cup of coffee, she set down the mug and went to get dressed.

A few minutes later, she was fully dressed and heading out the door. "Ed, Al, I'm just going to grab a few things for you two. I'll be home soon. Al, change Ed's IV if it empties while I'm gone," she called, omitting the fact that the things she was going to grab were from their house.

"Okay, bye," she heard Al's gentle voice reply. The poor boy- he had taken on as much responsibility for taking care of Edward as Pinako and Winry. It must be hard to see your older brother look so fragile and weak, Pinako thought as she walked through the large grassy field separating the Elric and Rockbell houses.

After only a few minutes, Pinako reached the Elrics' front door. She pulled out her spare key and inserted it into the doorknob, turning it as she pushed on the door. The door opened with a creak. The inside of the house was dark and abandoned, as if someone had not been there for days. She briskly strode down the hallway, walking into the brothers' room.

The room was relatively dirty, although only in the cluttered sense. Papers were scattered everywhere, some of them adorned with transmutation circles. There were two beds across from each other, and a dresser between the feet of the beds. Pinako pulled open the drawers of the dresser, grabbing fistfuls of clothing and underwear. Satisfied, she strode out of the room, on the way to the bathroom to grab toiletries. On her way to the bathroom, she noticed something that she hadn't before- the door to Hohenheim's study was open. Slightly curious, she reluctantly went into the study. Upon her entry, she froze, paralyzed by horror and surprise. The clothes she had been carrying dropped to the floor.

On the floor of the study was a gigantic transmutation circle. This in itself was slightly unsettling, but what was in the middle of the circle could make any grown man cry for his mommy. Surrounded by a pool of blood was a dark...thing. Maybe once, it could have passed for a human being, but now it was utterly unrecognizable as anything but an abomination. The worst part was that it was still alive, as if G-d had been too busy to wipe this sickening, unnatural creation off the face of the earth. Somewhere in the part of her mind that was still rational, Pinako noted that this was probably the outcome of Ed and Al's human transmutation.

_Kill it! Kill it! _Her instincts screamed. And for once, she gave into her instincts. This abandoned experiment was so terrifying, so unnatural, so _wrong_ that it would be cruel not to take the thing out of its misery. Slowly inching toward the...thing, Pinako summoned enough willpower and energy to step on its head. The skull was so weak that it caved in immediately with a sickening crunch. Her heart sunk at the sound. Now that it was dead, Pinako knew she would have to bury it. She could worry about the blood later, but she had to hide the body _now_. But like any sane person, Pinako did not want to touch, let alone bury this thing. She grabbed a nearby broom and started poking the body towards the back door, which (luckily) was in Hohenheim's study. Pinako stared straight ahead, barely keeping down her lunch.

She had killed something. Pinako had taken this thing's life, and no matter how bad its life must have been, it was better than death. Or was it? Had she committed murder? Although it did not seem to possess a soul, it had a...vaguely human shape...

She had finally gotten the thing out the back door, into the Elric's grassy backyard. Setting down the broom, she picked up a shovel that had been leaning against the wall and started to dig.

A short while later, she was sweaty, tired, and mentally shaken. However, the abomination was taking a permanent dirt nap, and that was all that mattered. Wiping her dirty hands on her apron, she went back inside. Ignoring the large puddle of blood that lay in the center of the room, Pinako spotted her pile of clothes, shakily picking them up. Just as she was about to leave, she noticed a shirt and pants lying in the corner, as if the person wearing them had just disappeared from thin air.

"Those must be Al's," she said to nobody in particular, now picking up the clothes. After she had done that, she left to go home.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, Al heard a rapping at the door.

"Alphonse, could you open the door? I have my hands full with clothes," Pinako called. Alphonse obeyed, walking over to the front door and opening it to find Pinako, her face almost fully concealed by the pile of clothing she had brought. She made her way to the kitchen table, uncermoniously dumping the clothes onto the table. "Most of these are Ed's, but there is one thing you might want..." Granny Pinako grabbed a button down shirt and brown pants that were slightly larger than the other clothes. Al instantly recognized them as the last articles of clothing he had ever worn. Pinako firmly placed them into Al's large metal arms, and his fists clenched around the material.

He had actually been able to wear these? They were so small. What could he possibly do with them now? It was at that moment that it came to Alphonse's attention that he was theoretically naked right now. Sure, he was a suit of armor and he didn't have to worry about gentalia exposure, but it was suddenly strange to walk around with nothing covering where his nether regions would normally be. He knew that Winry, Ed, and Granny Pinako had probably not noticed, but Al was still embarassed.

"Well, they won't fit me anymore," he half-joked. "I'll just transmute-" The second the word 'transmute' came out of his figurative mouth, he regretted it. Just using the word brought back negative memories and emotions, and he was already overwhelmed with enough of them. "On second thought, can you sew it into something I can, um, wear?" Granny Pinako snatched the clothes from Al's hands once again, examining the fabric carefully.

"We probably can't do anything with the pants, but we could make something with the shirt. Very nice fabric." she said, glancing between Al and the shirt. "I can fix up something really quick. Can I take a few measurements?"

As it turned out, really quick in sewing terms usually meant about 30 minutes to an hour. After Pinako had recorded the measurements (an embarassing process for Alphonse), she retreated into the small room that held an ancient sewing machine. Knowing that Winry was at school and Brother was probably resting, Al had nothing to do but twiddle his large leather thumbs and wait. He had been waiting a lot recently- he wondered how much he would have to wait before this ordeal was over (if it was ever over).

About an hour later, Granny Pinako came out of the room proudly holding what looked like a purple loincloth. It wasn't exactly what Alphonse was expecting, but beggars can't be choosers. "There was barely enough material to make this thing," she said. "I know it seems a little strange, but I thought it'd look good on you. Go on, put it on." Reluctantly, Alphonse obeyed and put on the loincloth, arranging it so that the flaps were in the front and back and the bronze rings (Gran must have decided to use some spare materials) on the sides of his body. He had to admit, it was a little comforting to be wearing something- it made him feel normal, more human. Even if he couldn't feel it, it was there and that was all that mattered.

"Thank you, Gran," he said gratefully. What Gran had done was more than cover his nether regions...she had made him feel more human, something he really needed right now. He could never repay her for that.

"No need, it was the least I could do..." she replied. _Poor boy_, she thought, _he doesn't need to thank me_.

"No, really," Alphonse insisted. "You're already taking care of my brother. You're already busy enough with him, but then you took time out of your day to make this because I couldn't bear to-" -pause- "transmute it." He had never been quite as good as his brother in the first place- the failed transmutation had not only associated losing his body with alchemy, but had made Al doubt his skill. At this point in time, he never wanted to see a transmutation circle ever again.

"It's no wonder you couldn't transmute it! Asking you to do alchemy right now would be like asking a shell-shocked soldier to go and fight in Ishval again. It was never your fault, Alphonse." Al got the feeling that Pinako was not just talking about his current inability to transmute. But no matter how much she tried to comfort him, Al remained inconsolable in the fact that he was always weak, always of lesser quality than his brother. That was why the human transmutation had not worked, and Brother had had to give up his arm for Alphonse.

It was really all Al's fault, in his mind.

* * *

Roy Mustang took another swig from his beer, feeling the liquid rush down his throat and leave a distinct aftertaste behind. "A pretty good alchemist, huh?" he said to the bearded man sitting next to him in a local bar. The bearded man took a sip from his own shot glass.

"A-yup, his name's Edward Elric, from what I hear," the man replied, his voice thick with a southern accent. "People say he's a blond man, in his twenties. Lives in Risembool with his brother Alfonzo if I 'member correctly."

"And how do you know this?" Mustang questioned. The man shrugged, the vodka in his shot glass sloshing along with his movements.

"Eh, word gets 'round. 'Ya wanna hear about a farmer who has a two-headed goat? 'S name's Geoff, 'f I 'member correctly. The farmer, not the goat, 'f course. He gave the goat two names, one fer-"

"That's all I need to hear," Mustang interrupted, getting up from his seat. "Thanks for the company, but I need to get going. See ya."_ Or not, either's good with me_, Mustang thought. The bearded man had been getting on his nerves the entire night, with his endless gossip and heavy hick accent. It had taken all of Mustang's self-control not to burn the man to a crisp. He walked out of the bar before the man could ask him to stay. Outside, Mustang was immediately greeted by Riza.

"So, did you get any information on the rumored alchemist?" Riza interrogated as they walked away from the bar, toward where their car was parked.

"Yes, apparently this 'Edward' guy lives in Risembool with his brother 'Alfonzo'. You don't know what I had to go through to get that information- I had to listen to some bearded hick talk for 3 hours straight." Roy sighed dramatically.

"Sir, you were only in there for 30 minutes."

"Well, it felt like three hours. Can we just get into the car and drive to Risembool already?" As Roy was saying this, they both reached the car. Riza dropped into the driver's seat, and Roy took shotgun. A few minutes later, they were bumpily driving down the remote road that lead to Risembool.

"Edward Elric, here I come," Roy said to himself.

* * *

How was it? Please review!


	4. Epiphany

**A/N: Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry this took so long! Please forgive me! Otherwise, enjoy c:**

* * *

The next day, Granny Pinako had deemed Edward healthy enough to be put in a wheelchair. Alphonse had volunteered to push the wheelchair around the first level of the house, but both were silent. Pinako had been hoping that getting out of bed would lighten Ed's spirits, but he looked as depressed as ever. He disliked the feeling of being pushed around in the chair- it made him feel like a baby. However, he was still too shaken to even complain. It didn't help that the only person available to complain to was Alphonse, and he was going through so much worse. He had a whole new body to get used to.

It was clear to anyone who watched Alphonse that he was not comfortable in his own body. He often forgot that he was much larger than he used to be, knocking over and bumping into things in the process. Al also had trouble judging how much strength he was using when holding, pushing, or pulling an object. Ed was pretty sure that Al had bent the handles of the wheelchair to a 120° angle. Of course, he didn't mention this- that would just be cruel. Actually, he wasn't talking to Alphonse at all; he figured that Al still detested him, and was only pushing the wheelchair as a courtesy to his older brother. It would be like Alphonse to do something like that- he had always tried to be polite to everyone, no matter how much he disliked them. Hell, he had been nice to boys who bullied him, much to Edward's chagrin.

"Why are you so nice to those asses?" Edward remembered saying to Alphonse after leaving school one day. After a boy had punched Alphonse in the gut, Al had held Ed back from attacking him. Not wanting to upset his younger brother, Ed had kept his anger to himself, no matter how much the other kid had deserved it.

"Brother, you shouldn't curse like that! What if Mom heard you say that?" Al had replied. Upon remembering Al mentioning Mom, Edward's memory had briefly been invaded by reality- Mom had died, and she would never be coming back. Even their attempt with alchemy had failed, and miserably at that. The permanent frown that his face was set in deepened.

Ed's inner turmoil was almost invisible to Al, only apparent because of his slumped shoulders and deep frown. To Alphonse, it looked as if he was really disappointed in something- or someone, specifically Al himself. For that reason, Al didn't ask why his frown suddenly deepened. There was also the fact that Edward would probably not respond anyway, but that was probably also because of his disappointment.

Al missed the old days, when alchemy had just been for giving flowers to Mom or a doll to Winry. Why had things had to change? Why had they wanted to go beyond those simple uses? They had taken more than they had, and the worst kind of debt to be in is a debt to science itself.

* * *

Roy Mustang closed the car door behind him, already making his way toward the front door of the Elric residence. Riza Hawkeye followed close behind him, gun cocked and eyes sharp. Roy rapped on the door once, twice, three times, yet nobody answered.

"It looks like nobody's home, sir," Riza said. "Should we enter anyways?" Roy shrugged.

"Sure, let's see if they're hiding in there." Many people hated the military in these rural areas, and would often hide in order to avoid them. Roy had been through this many times before. With calculated strength, he kicked the door in just the right spot. It swung open. "Hellloooo?" he called. "We're not here to hurt you, if you're in there please come out..." There was no response- apparently, the house was really empty.

"It looks as if they're really not here, sir. Maybe they've left to go on a trip, or heard of our upcoming visit and fled," Riza suggested.

"Still, we should take a look around," Mustang insisted, now entering the house. Riza sighed and entered with him. Together, they strode down the hallway, simply glancing at the inside of the rooms connected to it. However, the inside of one room caught Roy's eye. From his vantage point, he could see a large amount of fluid puddled on the floor and now-faint chalk lines. He backed up, slowly opening the door to this mysterious room.

What he saw inside was horrifying, even to the jaded eyes of a war veteran. The large puddle of fluid had been blood- bright, red lifeblood, parts of it dried and caked on the floor. It had obviously been there for a few days, but there was so much that some still hadn't dried. Almost entirely obscured by the blood was a fairly large transmutation circle. From what Roy could see of it, he concluded that it had been used for human transmutation.

Human transmutation, one of alchemy's greatest taboos. Had this 'Edward Elric' attempted it? All the signs pointed to it. If he had committed human transmutation, he would (at the very least) be terribly injured, if not dead. Flashing back to his unpleasant bar experience, Roy hazily remembered there being a doctor in this area- 'Rockbell Automail'. If he was still alive, Roy was going to march over there and tell this 'Edward Elric' what an idiot he had been. No, there had to be a better adjective than 'idiot'-imbecile? Incompetent fool? Overconfident brat? Dimwitted ninny? Moron?

Roy figured 'Overconfident fool' would do.

Riza was moving towards Roy, now standing right next to him. "Sir, what's -" A small gasp escaped her lips, a first for the usually calm and collected Riza Hawkeye. "What happened here?" It was a rare moment to hear Riza get this emotional.

"Our alchemist committed The Taboo," Mustang said, barely holding back disgust and anger. He wanted to snap his fingers and watch this house burn, along with the person who committed this atrocity. Sure, Roy had done many horrible things in his lifetime; he had helped commit _genocide_! Still, he had never tried to reverse the cycle of life. Not only did it never work, it was unnatural.

"The Taboo," Riza breathed, knowing what it was only from her father, when her mother had died. She had been very small at the time, and had asked if he could bring Mommy back. He turned around, stared straight into her with his sharp copper eyes, and told her that alchemists never attempt to resurrect a person. _Ever_. He said it in a haunting, deep voice that was only slightly less terrifying than his deathbed rant.

"If he isn't dead, he's badly injured. There's a doctor right next door- Rockbell Automail. We'll be paying a visit shortly," Mustang continued, striding towards the front door as he held back more bile. Riza followed him as they crossed the large field separating the Elric and Rockbell houses.

"Rockbell... Where have I heard that name before?" Riza asked Mustang as they were two-thirds across the grassy plain.

"I know it too... I can't quite place it though..." he replied, rubbing his chin. After a few more minutes, they reached the door of the Rockbell residence. Mustang rapped twice on the door, and could hear a dog inside barking at the sound. The door opened to reveal a harried-looking old woman who probably no taller than a 9 year old.

"Shh, don't scare off visitors... Military Officers? Why are you here?" the old lady exclaimed. Behind her, Mustang could clearly see a figure missing two limbs, in a wheelchair pushed by a large suit of armor. He knew that could be one person, and one person only- Edward Elric. True, he was a bit younger (and shorter) than expected. But the expression on his face fit the look of of someone who had just done something horrible. Mustang would know- he had once worn that face himself. Anger immediately bubbled in Mustang, and he pushed past the old lady, storming towards the small boy in the wheelchair. "Hey, what do you think you're doing? This is a private residence- do you have a permit?"

Despite the fact that the offender was a ten-year old boy, Mustang's blood boiled at the sight of the person who had managed to commit The Taboo. It was forbidden, and this fool thought he was above everyone else? People who committed The Taboo were frowned upon the alchemist community, thought to be full of hubris and ignorant of the circle of life. Mustang gripped the front of 'Edward's' shirt and pulled the boy up to his face. The boy's face was pale, and his eyes wide with shock. The suit of armor behind him looked like he wanted to protect the boy, but Mustang was too fast- if Al grabbed Ed back now, his own strength would break whatever bones he was gripping.

"I found out what you did," Mustang hissed. "How could you do such a thing? _Fool!_ People don't come back from the dead!"

The boy bent his head in shame, looking as if he was about to cry. Mustang was too angry to notice, until a large leather gauntlet gripped onto his forearm. He looked up from his victim to see the suit of armor leaning towards him. If the armor had a face, it would have been pleading.

"We're sorry," the suit of armor said, sounding much younger than Mustang had expected. He started to shake. "We're sorry, we're sorry, we're so sorry..."

The sorrow and youth of the voice snapped Mustang out of his anger, and he realized what he was doing- what the hell had gotten into him? Why was he holding a crippled ten-year old by the shirt? Sure, he had committed the taboo, but he was _ten_. And by the sound of his voice, the boy inside of the armor was even younger.

"No, I'm sorry," Mustang said, taking a deep breath and setting Ed back into his wheelchair. "Yelling at you was not my purpose in visiting here." he turned to Granny Pinako. "Do you have anywhere that we can all sit?"

She gave him a distrusting look, but nodded. Pinako led them all to a table in the kitchen. While Mustang and Pinako sat down, Alphonse clumsily pushed Ed's wheelchair closer to the table. He didn't sit down after, presumably because he was too large and clumsy to sit in the chairs available.

"I came here to discuss either Edward or Alphonse joining the military. You see, we are always in need of skilled alchemists, and word around town is that you two are the best alchemists in the region. Not to mention that it would be a great opportunity..."

"Opportunity? Screw 'opportunities'! These two children just lost their bodies!" Pinako exclaimed.

"Exactly," he continued, seemingly unfazed. "If one of them became a State Alchemist, they would have access to all sorts of knowledge and materials that could possibly help them get their bodies back."

Everyone in the room perked up at those words. Even Ed's spine straightened up a little. But Pinako stuck to her argument.

"These boys have been hurt by alchemy enough. Leave this house immediately!" she said, ushering him out the door.

* * *

The two brothers were back in the comfort of their makeshift room, thinking quietly about the strange visitor. Al looked up from his downward gaze and noticed Edward's eyes. They were full with a new fire and focus, one Alphonse hadn't seen since the accident.

"Al..." he said quietly, voice full of determination. Alphonse jumped, shocked that his brother was speaking. Was he going to yell at him? Tell Al he was disappointed? "Al..."

"W-What is it, brother?"

"Al, I'm gonna get your body back." That single sentence was full of a conviction and determination that stunned Alphonse. Ed's golden eyes were filled with their signature passion again.

"B-But how?" Al asked.

"... I'm going to become a State Alchemist. But I can't do it like _this_," he said, gesturing with his only arm at the remains of his body. "So I'm gonna have Granny and Winry fix me up so I can walk again. Then, I'm gonna fix you up so that you can feel again."

"You... You'd go through all that pain just for me to get my body back?" Al said in a small voice. He could imagine tears bubbling up at the corners of his nonexistent eyes.

"Of course, little bro," Ed said, as if Alphonse had just asked him the simplest question in the world. And maybe it was, for Edward.

Alphonse sobbed. But not from sadness or despair, like previously. There was obvious joy in each loud choke, each loud sob to substitute a tear. It was the way he used to cry- from happiness.

Somehow, these cries of joy motivated Ed even more- one day, Ed would hear that exact cry. But there would be no tinny echo, no expressionless helmet for a face.

And tears would roll down bright red cheeks.

* * *

**A/N: Hurrah, there is hope! As you can see, I'm not exactly following either the first anime or the manga. I guess you could call this an AU then, but... meh. Oh well.**

**Please review, or else Edward will get sad again! :c Just kidding, just kidding... probably.**


	5. Confession

**A/N: I'm trying to make as many updates as I can now, because I'm doing NaNo this November and won't be on. They might be shorter, but I'll try to keep the length up as much as possible. And now, chapter 5 of Recover!**

* * *

Ed and Al sat in the Rockbells' guest room, mere minutes from Ed's major surgery. He was already on a gurney, hooked up to an IV. Soon, they would replace the saline drip with morphine and the attachment of two automail ports would begin. Edward would be conscious throughout the entire experience.

That is, unless the pain was so great that it made him pass out.  
Ed hoped that would happen, actually.

"Brother, are you sure you want to go through with this?" Al gently insisted. "It looks so painful..."

_It's not painful at all compared to what _you've_ had to go through_, Ed thought. "I don't care, I can handle it," he said stubbornly.

"Don't feel like you have to do this, Brother."

"I don't," Ed lied. Just then, Winry and Pinako walked in with a tray of various materials.

"We're ready to begin the operation," Winry said in a flat, numbed voice.

"Alphonse, go wait outside," Ed said, turning his head to look at the suit of armor one last time. His gold eyes were even more piercing than usual. "You don't need to see this."_ I can't show any weakness in front of him, or else he'll weaken too. I'm his older brother, I've got to finally take control and act like it._

Al walked out without a word and sat down with his back to the wall opposite the door. He really hoped his brother would come out of the surgery okay.

_But what if he didn't?_

What if Ed died on the operating table? What if he died of an infection after? What if he couldn't eat and died of starvation? What if the Rockbells accidentally overdosed him? The possibilities clouded Alphonse's mind, making it impossible to think straight.

And if he died... it would be his fault, no matter what. He had let Ed go through with getting the operation. And Al had even gotten them into this mess into the first place by not standing up to Edward. No matter how wrong Al thought Ed was, Al never had the guts to stand up to his older brother. But Ed... Ed was so stubborn and assertive that it was ridiculous. He never gave a damn what others thought, even if he was being told over and over that he was wrong or stupid or that his calculations were incorrect. Because he always had complete confidence that he was correct.

Al was the one who was unsure and easily swayed. Al was the one who messed stuff up.

* * *

Carefully wielding a scalpel, Winry sliced a long cut in the stump where Ed's arm was supposed to be. She took the flaps she had created and pulled them open, revealing bright red tissue underneath.

The morphine had not seeped into Edward's bloodstream yet, and he felt every horrible sensation. He gasped loudly, trying to hold back a scream.

"Keep as quiet as you can, Ed. Winry has to concentrate," Pinako said. If she messed up now, the ports could potentially disconnect from the nerves at any time during or after the surgery (which would require doing the entire surgery over again). This step was crucial.

Pinako handed Winry a large, tubelike apparatus which Winry then plunged into the red hole in Ed's stump. He bit his tongue to keep back a shriek. A cold, somewhat unpleasant sensation then swept up the area. The tube would prepare the sensitive nerves in the arm for port attachment later on in the surgery.

"Arm prep is done, Gran." On the other side of the table, Granny Pinako put her scalpel to the stump where Ed's leg should have been, slicing a cut identical to the one in his shoulder. Ed thanked the heavens (or whatever was out there) that the morphine was finally starting to work- he barely felt this incision compared to the last one. It was still extremely painful, though, and his small body was shaking all over.

Instead of using another tube, Granny Pinako slapped the leg port directly onto the stump. Ed felt hundreds and millions of little pinpricks; it was like pins & needles, but a million times worse. He began to break out in a cold sweat, panting heavily.

Now came the extremely painful part- drilling directly into the bone to permanently attach the port to the stump. Pinako took a bolt from the supply tray, placed it in its special hole in the port, and began drilling.

If slapping the port on had been bad, this was a million times worse. Even through the morphine, Edward could feel the cold metal burrowing itself deep down into what was left of his femur. He writhed on the table, making all of the equipment shake.

"Ed, please stay still!" Winry exclaimed, stern yet worried. All of the commotion must have made Alphonse curious, because he peeked his metal helmet into the room at that very moment. "AL, _STAY OUT!_" Scared, Al quickly slammed the door and ran off. "We understand it's painful, but please bear with us," she continued to beg Ed.

"Painful? Painful?" Ed said, gritting his teeth. "This is NOTHING compared to what Al's going through!" After this, his words quickly devolved into pained mutters and restrained cries. "And it's all my fault... Mine, all mine... He hates me, I know it," Ed whimpered.

"Al would _never_ hate you, Ed," Winry cooed, trying to comfort him as Pinako continued to attach the ports. Pinako was starting to finish up the leg. "And he would never blame it on you, either."

"No... I _know_ he blames me for it," he moaned, shaking his head violently. "He has to. How could he not? _I'm_ the one who suggested it, _I'm_ the one who pressured him into it. I should be the one in that body, not him. He deserves better..."

"Why don't you ask him whether he blames you?" Winry asked, not really knowing what else to say.

"I'm- afraid..." Ed cried, his breath ragged. "What- will I do if he leaves? He's the only family I have- l-left..."

"I'm sure Al would never leave you, Ed," Winry said, her cornflower blue eyes locking with his gold ones. "You two care about each other too much to leave the other. It makes me kind of jealous," she chuckled softly. "I wish I had sibling who cared about me as much as you guys care about each other."

This confession seemed to calm Edward down. Although he was still panicked and in pain, the terror and fear he had had seemed to be under control again. Pinako was now halfway through bolting down the arm port.

"I-I'm still- going to make it up to him, though," Ed said, voice shaky yet determined. "With these n-new limbs I'm getting, I'll become a State Alchemist and get- h-him his body back."

He merely grimaced as the final bolt was drilled into his shoulder.

* * *

**A/N: How was it? Please review!**


	6. Eye of the Hurricane

**A/N: This is a really short chapter, kind of just a filler so that we can get onto the fun parts sooner; Automail attachment and rehabilitation! Yay!**

* * *

Alphonse had been sitting in the hallway for what seemed like the longest time. If he had still had fingernails, he would be biting them. _Why was it taking so long?_ Did something happen, just as he feared?

_That's ridiculous,_ a still rational part of his mind said. _It's automail surgery; that always takes a long time, stupid_. Still, fear enveloped the darker and more emotional parts of his mind.  
Just then, he heard a small pinging noise like a finger tapping metal that he knew must have been someone tapping him. It was eerie to not feel someone tapping your shoulder, and only know that they had tapped you by the strange sounds your body now made when touched or moved. Al turned around to see who had tapped him; it was Winry.

"How did it go?" Al asked.

"Good, it went much better than planned," Winry said pleasantly. Al emitted a sighing noise and his shoulders slumped, awkwardly trying to imitate a deep exhale.

"Thank goodness. I was so scared that something would go wrong..." Al began to stand up. "Can I go see him?"

Winry anxiously thought back to Ed's outburst in the operating room. How would he react to seeing Al while sedated? And how would Al react to seeing Ed sedated? What if Ed said something he didn't mean? So many bad possiblities ran through her head. She decided that keeping the brothers apart would be worse than anything that could possibly happen if they were together.

"Yeah, but I've got to warn you that he's pretty heavily sedated," Winry said. "If he says anything weird or doesn't recognize you, disregard it. That's the drugs talking, not Ed."

Al nodded, then quickly went into the recovery room to see his brother. His eyes scanned the room, finding Ed in the last bed down. Al rushed over to take a closer look. Ed's eyes were closed, and he looked exhausted. His skin was pallid, and glistened with a cold sweat. The skin that surrounded the new, shiny automail ports was swollen and red. Ed's glazed eyes were now weakly opening. He gave Al a confused look at first, then began to recognize him.

"...Al?" Upon hearing his name, Alphonse fumbled for Edward's remaining hand. He held it in his large leather hand gently, afraid of breaking it with his still newfound strength.

"I'm here, Brother," Al said as clearly as he could. He had recently discovered that the new metallic ring to his voice could drown out his words if he didn't speak loudly and clearly enough.

"Good," Ed said, his gruff demeanor beginning to come back. "These automail ports hurt like a bitch."

"_Brother!_"

"Gimme a break, I'm _exhausted_," Ed whined.

"Fine, just this once."

Soon after that little quarrel, Ed soon fell asleep. Al observed that tonight, he tossed and turned much less than a few nights before. Overall, his sleep seemed to be getting more peaceful and less fitful. Alphonse hoped that trend would continue; he hated seeing his older brother distressed like that.

* * *

Granny Pinako inspected Winry's final blueprints for Edward's new arm and leg. "I don't see any faults in the design," she said. "Are you sure you're up to building them all by yourself?"

"Of course, Gran, I'll be fine," Winry said. "Ed's been my friend since we were toddlers- the least I can do for him is make him a new arm and leg." She slapped a pair of goggles on her face, grabbed her various tools and the jumble of wires and motors that were already on her desk, and began working.

* * *

**A/N: Hehe, Ed's starting to develop his pottymouth! Al doesn't like that at all XP. Review, please!**


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